Calm · 5 min
A kinder voice for yourself
When the inner voice turns harsh, try talking to yourself the way you would talk to a friend in the same spot.
Many of us, especially people who look after others, speak to ourselves in a way we would never speak to anyone we love. This is a short practice for noticing that voice and offering a kinder one.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Notice a moment today when you criticise yourself: for being tired, for snapping, for not doing enough.
Write down, in a sentence, exactly what the voice said.
Now imagine a good friend in the same situation, saying that sentence about themselves. Write what you would say back to them.
Read your reply to yourself, slowly, once. Keep the piece of paper somewhere you will see it.
The reason
Why it helps
Self-criticism feels like it keeps us on track, but it mostly wears us down. Talking to ourselves with the same warmth we offer others does not mean letting ourselves off the hook; it means being honest and kind at the same time. Over time, the kinder voice tends to come a little more easily.
A gentle variation
If writing feels awkward, say it aloud on a walk, or simply place a hand on your chest and say: this is hard, and I am doing my best. That sentence is often enough.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
Agree with a friend or partner that when one of you is hard on yourself in front of the other, the other gently asks: would you say that to me? It is a small habit that can change a lot.
Try it today
Today, write down one harsh thing you said to yourself and what you would say to a friend instead.
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