Calm · 20 min
Sleeping well side by side
Snoring, cold feet, different bedtimes: a calm daytime talk about how you share the night, so both of you sleep better.
Sharing a bed is a comfort, and it can also be the reason one or both of you sleeps badly. Snoring, kicking, a phone glowing, one person too hot and the other too cold. These things are hard to raise at two in the morning. They are much easier over a cup of tea.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Choose a calm moment in the day, and start by saying what you like about sharing the night, before what is hard.
Each of you names one thing that wakes you, without blame: the light, the noise, the movement, the different hours.
Agree one or two small changes to try for two weeks: separate blankets, earplugs, a dim light for the later sleeper, the earlier riser getting up quietly.
Agree, too, that sleeping apart on some nights is allowed, and is not a sign that anything is wrong between you.
The reason
Why it helps
Many sleep problems in couples are practical, not personal, and they get worse when they are left unsaid. Small changes, such as separate covers, often make a real difference. Talking by day keeps it kind and keeps tired tempers out of it, and an agreed plan is easier to keep than a midnight complaint.
A gentle variation
If you care for a partner whose nights are restless because of illness or pain, the two of you may need different arrangements for a while, such as a bed or chair close by rather than the same bed. Talk about how to stay close in other ways, such as time together before sleep.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
This one is already for two. You might end the talk by choosing something pleasant for the evening, so bedtime becomes a time you look forward to again.
Try it today
Today, ask your partner over a drink what wakes them at night, and tell them what wakes you.
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