Life events · 20 min
One message to tell people
When something big happens, a short written update and one person to pass it on saves you telling the story twenty times.
After a diagnosis, a death, a hospital stay or a birth, the phone does not stop. Every call means telling the story again, and answering the same questions. It is kind of people to ask, and it can be exhausting. One clear message, sent by you or someone on your behalf, protects your energy.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Write a short update in plain words: what has happened, how things are now, and what you need, or do not need, from people.
Add a line about contact, such as: we may be slow to reply, and we are reading every message.
Choose one person, a friend or relative, to pass the update on and answer questions, and tell people they are the one to ask.
Send updates when there is news, not on a schedule, and keep them short. It is fine to go quiet for a while.
The reason
Why it helps
Retelling hard news over and over is draining, and each telling can bring the feelings back. A single message keeps the story accurate and lets you decide what is shared. A named person to pass it on gives friends a way to help, and gives you room to rest.
A gentle variation
If the news is about someone you care for, ask them what they are happy for people to know before you write anything, and let them read the message first.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
Write the first update with someone close to you. They can help find the words, and remind you to say what would actually help, such as meals, lifts or quiet.
Try it today
Today, write three lines about what is happening and what would help, and choose one person to pass it on.
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