Life events · 10 min
What to say to someone who is grieving
You do not need the perfect words. Being there, naming the loss and offering something specific is enough.
When someone we know is bereaved, it is easy to stay away for fear of saying the wrong thing. But silence often hurts more than clumsy words. Grieving people mostly want to know that others remember and care.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Say something simple and true: I am so sorry about your dad. I have been thinking of you. Use the person's name if you knew it.
Offer something specific rather than: let me know if you need anything. For example: can I bring you supper on Thursday? Can I walk the dog this week?
Listen more than you speak. Let them talk about the person, or not, as they choose. Do not try to explain the loss or find a silver lining.
Keep in touch in the weeks and months after, when others have gone quiet. Mark difficult dates, such as birthdays and anniversaries, with a short message.
The reason
Why it helps
Grieving people often feel that the world has moved on while they have not. Simple acknowledgement, practical help and continued contact tell them they are not alone. Specific offers are easier to accept than open ones, because they do not ask the grieving person to organise their own help.
A gentle variation
If you cannot be there in person, a handwritten card or a short message can mean a great deal. Share a memory of the person who died if you have one; families often treasure these.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
If you know others who are close to the grieving person, coordinate, so meals and visits are spread out over weeks rather than all arriving at once.
Try it today
Today, send one person who is grieving a short message that names their loss and offers one specific thing.
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