Together · 20 min · For caregivers
A second pair of ears
Taking someone with you to an appointment, with one job: listen, and write it down.
When the news is complicated, or simply when you are tired, it is hard to take in what is being said and remember it later. A second person in the room, with one clear job, can make the difference between leaving confused and leaving with a plan.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Ask someone you trust to come with you, in person or on the phone. If you are the carer, offer to be that person for the one you look after.
Agree their job before you go in: they listen and write things down. They do not take over the conversation unless you ask them to.
At the start, tell the doctor or nurse who they are and that they are there to take notes. Most will welcome it.
Straight after, sit down together for five minutes and read the notes back. Agree what happens next, who will do it, and when.
The reason
Why it helps
Stress makes memory patchy, and people often recall only part of what they were told in an appointment. Two people catch more than one. Reading the notes back together, while it is fresh, turns a blur into a short list of things to do.
A gentle variation
If nobody can come, ask whether you may record the conversation on your phone, or ask the doctor or nurse to write the key points down for you. Many clinics also offer a summary letter or a message through their app.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
If you go with someone you care for, ask them first how much they want you to say. Some people want you to speak up for them; others want you only to listen. Agreeing beforehand keeps the appointment theirs.
Try it today
Ask one person to come with you to your next appointment, or offer to go with someone you care for, and agree that their job is to take notes.
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