Together · 10 min
Asking for what you need
Say clearly and kindly what you need from someone close to you, instead of hoping they will guess.
Many of us expect the people closest to us to know what we need, and feel hurt when they do not. But nobody can read minds. Asking clearly and kindly for one specific thing can save a lot of resentment on both sides.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Think about one thing you need more of from someone close to you: help with a task, time alone, time together, a phone call.
Put it into one clear sentence, starting with I: I would like us to have one evening a week without phones.
Choose a calm moment, not during an argument, and say it simply.
Listen to their response, and be open to working out something that suits you both.
The reason
Why it helps
A clear request is easier to meet than a hint. Starting with I keeps it about your need rather than their failing. Choosing a calm moment makes it more likely the other person can listen.
A gentle variation
If you are a caregiver, asking for help can feel especially hard; start with something small and specific. If speaking up feels risky, writing a note can be a gentler way to start.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
Ask the other person what they need too, so it is a two-way conversation.
Try it today
This week, ask someone close to you for one specific thing you need, in one clear sentence.
More like this
More from VIVE Together,for real days.
Together · 3 min
A meal shared
Food eaten with another person feeds something that food eaten standing at the counter does not.
Together · 3 min
A conversation
One real exchange a day, where you say how it is and someone hears it, does more for you than a hundred messages.
Together · 10 min
Find your next shared yes
Choose something to enjoy together without guessing what the other person wants: each of you names three, and you look for the overlap.