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Four friends of different ages walking arm in arm along a stone street at dusk, one carrying flowers

Together · 20 min

Talk while you do something else

Some of the best conversations with children and teenagers happen side by side, in the car, on a walk or while cooking.

20 minutesFrom the library, free to readFour steps
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Sitting a child down for a serious talk often gets one-word answers. Many children and teenagers find it easier to open up when they are doing something else and not being looked at directly. Side-by-side time can bring out conversations that face-to-face questions do not.

The steps

Four small steps,in your own time.

  1. Look for ordinary side-by-side moments: a drive, a walk to the shop, doing the dishes, a puzzle, walking the dog.

  2. Start with something light, or say nothing for a while. Let the silence sit.

  3. If they bring something up, listen more than you talk. Ask: what happened then? rather than: why did you do that?

  4. Keep it going for as long as they want, and let them end it. Thank them for telling you.

The reason

Why it helps

Not having to make eye contact can make hard things easier to say. A regular shared activity also gives a child a predictable time when they know you are available. Listening without jumping in tells them it is safe to come back.

A gentle variation

For younger children, play time works the same way: talk while you build or draw. For a teenager who is mostly online, a shared game or a show can be a starting point.

One hand resting over another on a wooden table

WE · TRIBE

Try itwith someone.

Ask another trusted adult, an aunt, a coach, a family friend, to do a regular activity with your child too. Some children talk more easily to someone who is not their parent.

Make it a plan in HIVELIVE, with WE

Try it today

This week, find one side-by-side activity with your child, and let them do most of the talking.

Add it to your day

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