Together · 15 min
Telling children what is happening
When a parent or grandparent is ill, children cope better with simple truth than with silence.
When someone in the family is unwell, it is natural to want to protect children by saying little. But children notice everything, and what they imagine is often worse than what is real. Plain, honest words, sized for their age, help them feel safe.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
Decide together, as the adults, what you will say. Use the real name of the illness and simple words: Grandma is ill, the doctors are looking after her, and some days she will be very tired.
Choose a calm time, not just before school or bed. Sit close, and keep it short.
Tell them three things: it is not your fault, you will always be looked after, and you can ask me anything at any time.
Come back to it in a day or two. Ask what they remember and what they wonder about. Expect the same questions again; that is how children take things in.
The reason
Why it helps
Children who know what is going on, in words they can understand, tend to feel less alone and less frightened. Being told it is not their fault matters, because young children often believe they caused things. Returning to it shows them that the subject is not closed and they do not have to carry questions on their own.
A gentle variation
Very young children may understand better through play or a story than through a conversation. Teenagers may want more detail and may want to help; give them a small, real job rather than none.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
Let the child's school or nursery know, so their teachers can be gentle and watch for changes. If a grandparent or family friend is close to them, ask them to make extra time too.
Try it today
Today, agree with the other adults in the family the few plain words you will use to tell the children what is happening.
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