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Four friends of different ages walking arm in arm along a stone street at dusk, one carrying flowers

Together · 10 min

Making up after an argument

Arguments happen in every close relationship. What matters most is how you come back together.

10 minutesFrom the library, free to readFour steps
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Every close relationship has arguments. Tiredness, worry and caring for others make them more likely. The goal is not never to argue; it is to know how to come back afterwards, so that small hurts do not pile up.

The steps

Four small steps,in your own time.

  1. Give it time to cool. Agree that either of you can say: I need twenty minutes, and then I will come back. Then come back.

  2. Start with one sentence about your own part: I was sharp with you, or I did not listen. Leave out the but.

  3. Ask: what was that like for you? Listen to the answer without defending yourself.

  4. Agree one small thing that would help next time, and then do something ordinary together: a cup of tea, a short walk, a show you both like.

The reason

Why it helps

A pause lets the body settle, so people can think and listen again rather than fight. Owning your part, without explaining it away, makes it easier for the other person to soften. Coming back to something ordinary together reminds you both that the relationship is bigger than the argument.

A gentle variation

If talking about it straight away is too hard, write a short note instead, or send a message that says: I am sorry about earlier, can we talk tonight? Sometimes the first step is just showing you want to come back.

One hand resting over another on a wooden table

WE · TRIBE

Try itwith someone.

This works between friends, between parents and grown-up children, and between brothers and sisters as well as couples. The steps are the same: cool down, own your part, listen, and do something ordinary together.

Make it a plan in HIVELIVE, with WE

Try it today

Today, agree with the person closest to you a phrase either of you can use to pause an argument and come back later.

Add it to your day

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