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Four friends of different ages walking arm in arm along a stone street at dusk, one carrying flowers

Together · 15 min

When friendships go wrong

When your child falls out with a friend, listen first, help them think it through, and resist rushing in to fix it.

15 minutesFrom the library, free to readFour steps
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Friendships matter a great deal to children and teenagers, and falling out can be painful. As a parent, it is tempting to take sides or step in. Often what helps most is a calm listener who helps them work out what they want to do next.

The steps

Four small steps,in your own time.

  1. Listen to the whole story without interrupting or judging. Say back what you heard: it sounds like you felt left out.

  2. Ask what they would like to happen: to make up, to give it time, to find other friends for now.

  3. Help them think of one small step: a message, a chat at lunch or between lessons, sitting with someone else for a while.

  4. Check in a few days later, briefly, and let them tell you how it is going.

The reason

Why it helps

Being listened to can help a child feel less alone with a hurt. Thinking through options with you helps them learn to handle conflict for themselves. Stepping back from fixing it shows that you trust them to manage.

A gentle variation

If the falling out involves bullying, threats or exclusion that goes on for a long time, talk to the school. For younger children, role-play what they might say to a friend.

One hand resting over another on a wooden table

WE · TRIBE

Try itwith someone.

Ask an older sibling, cousin or trusted adult to share a time they fell out with a friend and what happened next.

Make it a plan in HIVELIVE, with WE

Try it today

Next time your child mentions a friendship problem, listen to the whole story before you say anything.

Add it to your day

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