Together · 20 min · For caregivers
When memory starts to slip
Noticing changes in memory gently, writing them down, and finding the right moment to suggest seeing a doctor together.
Everyone forgets things, and some forgetfulness is part of getting older. But sometimes the changes are different: repeated questions, getting lost on familiar routes, bills unpaid, a stove left on. Noticing is often frightening for both of you. A calm, gentle approach makes the next steps easier.
The steps
Four small steps,in your own time.
For two or three weeks, write down what you notice, with dates: what happened, and whether it was new. Keep it private and factual.
Look for a quiet moment to ask how they feel their memory is. Many people have noticed changes too, and may be relieved to talk.
Suggest a check-up with their doctor as a normal step, and mention that memory problems can have many causes, some of them very treatable.
Offer to go with them, and take your notes so the doctor gets a clear picture. Let them speak first, and add what you have seen.
The reason
Why it helps
Memory changes have many possible causes, including infections, low mood, poor hearing, thyroid problems and medicine side effects, as well as conditions such as dementia. Seeing a doctor early makes it more likely that treatable causes are found, and gives everyone more time to plan if the news is harder.
A gentle variation
If your parent becomes upset or refuses to see a doctor, do not push. Leave it for a while, keep your notes, and try again another way, perhaps linked to a routine check-up or a different worry, such as their hearing or blood pressure.
WE · TRIBE
Try itwith someone.
If you share caring with others in the family, compare notes privately before anyone raises it, so your parent does not feel ambushed. Agree who is best placed to have the first conversation.
Try it today
This week, start a private dated note of any memory changes you notice in someone you care for.
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