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Four friends of different ages walking arm in arm along a stone street at dusk, one carrying flowers

Together · 15 min

When parents disagree

A private way to settle disagreements about rules and discipline, so children hear one calm message.

15 minutesFrom the library, free to readFour steps
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Two people raising children will disagree, about bedtimes, screens, food, how strict to be. That is normal. What tends to unsettle children is hearing the argument play out in front of them, or getting different answers depending on who they ask. Agreeing a way to disagree helps.

The steps

Four small steps,in your own time.

  1. Agree, when things are calm, that disagreements about the children will be talked about in private, not in front of them.

  2. In the moment, if you disagree, let the other parent's decision stand for now and say: we will talk about it later.

  3. Find a quiet time that day or that week. Each of you says what matters to you and why, before talking about the rule itself.

  4. Settle on one answer you can both stand behind, and tell the children together if it changes anything.

The reason

Why it helps

Children often feel safer when the adults look like a team, even if they are not always in agreement. Talking in private gives each person space to explain without losing face. It also models something useful: people who care about each other can disagree and still sort it out.

A gentle variation

If you are separated or live apart, this can work over a message or a short call, with the focus on one rule at a time. If grandparents or other caregivers look after the children often, include them when the rule affects their time.

One hand resting over another on a wooden table

WE · TRIBE

Try itwith someone.

Choose one rule you often disagree about, and talk it through together this week using the steps.

Make it a plan in HIVELIVE, with WE

Try it today

This week, agree with the other adult raising your children that disagreements about rules will be talked about in private.

Add it to your day

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